kristiapplesauce

the day Daniel taught me to be a missionary

5-8-2007

When we drove to Seaview - it was a pretty day, kind of hot but we were excited about acclimating to the weather and everything else "South Africa". We had only been here for 15 days and I was still in a whirlwind of missing my family and not being settled as we didn't have a house to live in or knew exactly what we had gotten ourselves into...but God was so Faithful and He had called us here, so here we were. We had made the trek that day (about 15-20 minutes) away from where we were staying to Seaview, a makeshift squatters camp off the side of the road. There (in my estimation) are up to a few thousand people who live in the camp...and where we came that day, I only saw one dripping faucet on the side of the road for the community to use. People used the toliet in either out-houses or like we saw, on the side of the road or anywhere that was available. So that week a local lady had donated a bunch of food for the church (that was built by a team that had come with Oceans before we arrived) so we were going to drop that off and do some HIV-AIDS prevention training to the local ladies. I had no idea what to expect. When we got there, the dirt road was covered with glass and trash and the kids were so dirty. Shamefully I was in shock. I didn't "feel" like playing as my heart sank further and further. Where in the world was my hand sanitizer? What was I supposed to say or do or think or respond to such devistation? Is this what we signed up for? These kids were a mess. So dirty and oviously hungry. We brought some food for them to eat right way; it clearly didn't curb their apitite. They needed love. Was I so weak not to want to get my hands dirty? So Daniel, my amazing strong and confident husband jumps out of the kombi and picks one of the boys up and starts throwing him around. Imediatly he bonds with the kids and of course they love him back as most men here (Dads, brothers, uncles) are absent. Daniel didn't notice their dirty faces and hungry tummies. He noticed their need for love...as that is what he had to offer. I just stood, mezmerized and in awe....too afraid to break one of them. As I watched Daniel that day and as I prayed and saught God in the days that followed, I realized that God had paired me with somebody who knew no fear. At least when it came to loving kids. He loved with the whole of his heart. He loved and he surendered. He gave and he honored them with everything he had to give. That day changed my whole view of missions and why we came. We came to love kids. We came to feed and honor them. In obidience, we will follow the Lord here...as this is what God called us to do, even when it doesn't make sense. Even now...some days my fear and the unknown creep up on me...but then I am reminded of this day and I am able to press forward because I know that it is God who gives us strength.

Relax

I got this in my email the other day. Yay. I love encouragement. Thank you.

"This is a journey. Sometimes the weather is crappy. Rain, sleet, snow, followed by mud, melting snow, then the sun comes out and we smile. We then get sunburned...Oh no! But we can hang out in the shade a little. You know, we learn lessons every step of the way. The next time we remember to take a raincoat or put a little sunblock on."

So true.

Looking beyond

Where's the freakin Grace? Do I have any to spare? Do you have any extra for me to borrow? I have been trying to figure "it" out lately and if we/me are the problem in some of the conversations, mismanaged relationships I am in, down-right frustrated conflicts and it was said to me after the asking that I do...I draw the line in the sand and for lack of a better term...lack for Grace. Dang. Wake up Kristi!!! Grrr. So now what? Back to the drawing board? Question motives? Question what we know of right and wrong? When do you/me/we say something? When do you stay quiet? When does scripture come into play? When does politics? I crave for real relationships for people to speak real truth and real integrity into my daily life and I battle sin every single day of my life as I miss-step constantly, so yeah, I get that too. But why is this "thing" so difficult? It's like the battle isn't even with people...it is within my own mind.

Tuesday morning

obedience, sacrifice, praise, forgiveness, anger, projection, joy, destruction, control, love, peace, blame, deliverance, frustration,tender, normal? rejection, hate, honor, submission,salvation, patience, amazement, wonder, glory, intimacy, fear, thanksgiving.

Now what?

So what's the deal? I think that God has taken me here or there and I get all poofed up and then SLAM I get knocked down once again by my own arrogance. We have been on this journey and rockin it and I love love love these kids. There is no where else I would rather be...or doing anything else. But I keep finding myself engaged in conversations that are not Godly or uplifting and after walking away it is like I need a shower. Why did I say that? Why didn't I respond in LOVE? I talked to a super cool person the other day who was showing me this chart on submission and obedience and on the left hand side was Godliness. It was Scripture based and had stuff like mentor-ship and trust. All stuff based on scripture, things that we can learn from others but all from the Bible. Then on the right was all emotion. It was stuff like reaction, knee-jerking, frustration, self-seeking,SIN. Not that emotion is sin, but when we react out of it, it most likely is. She was telling me that we can find ourselves on the right, but we need to recognize it and redirect to get back on the left. That the majority of the world functions on the left most of the time and how that is why "we" find ourselves overreacting when somebody cuts us off, or when we get into a fight with our spouse. So then I was like totally convicted and have been since that conversation. I keep finding myself in conversations where I am not uplifting whomever I am talking to (or about). So now, enter me, back in Africa and I am all over the place as far as leaving my family once again a million miles away, and trying to put that into perspective. I am clutching these kids too tight as I am now "in fear" of them "slipping away"....but knowing all the while that God has them in His hands and knows their days are numbered....not me and I am scared. I need to get to the left side. I need some more Godliness. For reals. I need more . 

Home

I don't know much. This simple truth...I know to my core. But I know that we are home. What do I start writing about now that we are back? Do I write about all the everythings that happened while we were in America? Do I write about the lessons I learned in the last 6 weeks? The last 4 days? I think that will take a few more days to process. But what I will tell you is that when I stepped off the plane and breathed in our Beloved African air, we were back-smack in the middle of the right place to be. So then fast forward to me going to the woman's restroom (as soon as I was able) and on the back of the toilet was a red purse...so I quickly looked out to see if I could hand it off to the rightful owner. No, she wasn't there. So I would take it to the front when I was done washing my hands but when I came out of the stall there was a rather large African lady in all her glory (jewelry, African clothing, head wrap) and there she was hugging me and kissing me and telling me "thank you" for finding her purse. There is just nothing like getting kissed and hugged (picked up off the floor) by a big African lady. Yup. I am home.

changing things

Last night when Daniel was holding me as I sobbed he told me that I needed to let go of the anxiety and frustration of what other people are doing or not doing and be responsible for us. He said "Let's change our corner of the world and let everyone else do their thing". I have been so wrapped up. It is kind of unfair actually because so many people we know "rocked it" but then so many people have been so complacent. I guess for me that isn't an option. I am an all or nothing girl. If God calls me to something (or if I just feel like it...)I am all in. And it has been so unfair to expect that out of everyone else.

When we had the opportunity to go to South Africa in 2004 for 2 weeks we came home so cocky. We thought that we "knew" because we saw and did. We just knew that we changed the world with our 2 week missions trip (so pathetic). We fed kids and touched, really touched starving kids in Africa (like they were in a museum or in a zoo). But we didn't know anything. All we knew is that God was calling us back. So we came back. And now when I see the RED stuff at Hallmark or the Gap, I see people "doing something" because it is trendy or because it is a marketing scheme...not because it is really loving people or making a difference in the lives of those who are dying or starving on the other side of the world. I still don't know if we are changing the world. But I know that we are doing our very best to be obedient. We are trying to love people and bring them food. Who knows if we are doing the "right thing" but we are trying. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that so many people don't do anything...or the bare minimum. They do Sunday school *check, they do 9:30 service *check, they write their $50 check *check, and go about their week. I do not believe you have to sell everything and move around the world to change the world, but I do believe you need to live in obedience. I think that you and I were made to work as a team, as the hands and feet and when we actually do the work here on Earth, then we actually bring Glory to God.

Who needs the love? The lady in line at Wal-mart, the screaming kids in the mini-van, the guy with the suit behind the counter. We are all so broken and in need of our Savior. I am convinced that until we stop being so busy and just love  one another, nothing is going to change. *check.

Ezekiel

I am not quite sure what I am supposed to be feeling. Some are affected by life and death in so many different ways. The way we love and the way we live our lives. I loved Ezekiel. He was one of ours. He one of the kids adopted by our child sponsorship program at one of the villages that we support. He lived only for a few precious months at Jehovah Jireh, as he passed away early this morning. The house parents - Molly and Neels gave him their last name because he was dropped off; abandoned without one....just like so many of our kids. I am so thankful that I had the amazing privilege to hold and love this amazing little boy even if it was for only a short time.  I am thankful and honored that God has called us to live in a world that we get to love these kids who don't have last names and who are hungry for so much more then food. Please stand with us in prayer for his "adopted" family (those at Jehovah Jireh) and for Molly and Neels.

6,500

Five Hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, Five Hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear, Five Hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure, measure a year, in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights and cups of coffee, in inches, in miles and laughter and strife, in five Hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure, a year in the life, how about love, how about love, how about love,

measure in love,

seasons of love, seasons of love, five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan, five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure the life of a woman or a man, in truths that she learned, or in times that he cried, in bridges he burned or the way that she died, its time now to sing out though the story never ends, lets celebrate remember a year in the life of friends, remember the love, remember the love, remember the love, measure in love, seasons of love, seasons of love.

Bono in his new book tells us that 6,500 Africans are still dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease. “This is not about charity; this is about justice and equality. Because there's no way we can look at what's happening in Africa and, if we're honest, conclude that deep down, we really accept that African's are equal to us. Anywhere else in the world, we wouldn't accept it. Look at what happened in Southeast Asia with the Tsunami. 150,000 lives lost to that misnomer of all misnomers, “mother nature”; In Africa 150,000 lives are lost every month. A tsunami every month and it's a completely avoidable catastrophe. It's annoying, but justice and equality are mates. Aren't they? Justice always wants to hang out with equality. And equality is a real pain.”

I am so super excited to go back “home” and start afresh. Start new in this new year of serving and loving the people of Africa. My beloved South Africa. So many of our every-days here in America remind and confirm that SA is exactly where God has called us to be. I think that I am more on fire now then I was ever before...even before we left the first time. Thank you for being on this journey with us. I can't imagine trying to do this on our own.