kristiapplesauce

Happy (HOPE) Day

Schaun Colin, Oceans of Mercy's (the mission we are with) founder, and friend - has this thing he does each year with his peeps. Here is what he put on his facebook:

"Contemplating my "word" for 2010. Every year our guys select a word they hope defines their year...a great exercise. My 2009 was "Fire", felt like I needed to turn the heat up on some things...got pretty steamy at times"

So then I was thinking about what mine would be. I started praying and thinking through all the words I like and desire for myself. Selfishly I wanted something with some Umph behind it, but I kept coming back to HOPE. Not that HOPE isn't great, but I was hoping for a word with more pizazz or something. So then I started praying. I prayed all throughout the night actually. I prayed for HOPE within my relationship with Christ. I prayed for HOPE within my marriage. I prayed for HOPE for my friends and the crazy they are going through. I prayed for HOPE and healing for those who are sick and for my family who are dying. I prayed for what seemed like hours and yup. I am settled on it. HOPE is the word and I am eager to start this year with it.

I don't want to seem all New Years la la about it, because it always makes me crazy when people do that but I am kinda excited to start this new year with some HOPE.

So what do you think your 2010 word is going to be??

Question everything

So if you are interested in dinosaurs, suicide, people who are gay, divorce, masturbation, porn, why we worship on Sunday vs. Saturday, aliens, drug use, alcohol, heaven, hell, gambling, sharks and some other crazy and not so crazy questions – go HERE (message mashup in case you get confused to which one I'm talking about). Pete, over at Cross Point Church addressed some of these questions as he finished up a sermon series and it was one of the best life applicable sermons I have ever heard.

 

So if you listen to the podcast, please come back here and tell us what you think.

UNCHRISTIAN.

So I just talked to my Mom and she asked why I am not blogging as much anymore and then told me I needed to update. A million reasons flashed into my brain during that convo and since I got of the phone with her a million more have surfaced.

Two weeks ago I finished the amazing book UnChristian and even though I say this about practically every book I read - This book has absolutely changed my life. It has changed the way I think. It has changed my focus. It has changed the way I love people. It has changed my view of the world and my place in it. It has made me aware of the dangerous judgments and prejudices I have been carrying around and I am so thankful I read it as I was made aware of areas in my life that I need to surrender and that I need to change for the glory of God.

I know that I will not able to give a complete and accurate review of the book so please visit here and here for more info but the two biggest things I got out of it were (and I quote):

"How we choose to share Christ is as important as actually doing it."

"Whom do you trust more - a born again Christian whose sociopolitical stances are different from yours or someone of a different faith who happens to share your political views?"

There were so many other (like every single chapter) tidbits, statistics and information (the guy from the Barna group wrote the book)...but what struck me the most was how convicted I was and how caught up in prayer I became when reading. I began to pray and cry and pray and cry about how judgmental and self-righteous I had become in all of my "godly" views.

For 18 years I have been on this God journey...trying to figure "it" out...making plans and discovering "my" ideas. My place in the world. What it is that I actually believe and why. I allowed so many other influences and prejudices and self-righteous behavior, pride and selfishness get in my way of loving people. Where was God in my behavior and why wasn't He the ONE to lead my behavior rather then the world and what I thought was "right" or my routine of "right"?

In that book there are examples after examples of people being battered and bruised by well intentioned Christians saying and doing whatever it is that they were saying and doing - all in the "name of Christ" and my heart was broken time and again when I read that data knowing that I was the one in those stories who had hurt those people by some off the wall comment or by not helping somebody when I thought it was more important to make my own views heard. How pathetic.

So I am sorry I am not blogging. It isn't that I don't have 500 things to say. It is that I want to be careful not to vomit my judgment and blurry conviction all over this stupid blog. I want to be more careful with people. I want to love better and I want to honor God with my words. I think God has many more glorious days ahead and I want my vision to be clear.

When I think of Africa...

I had a grand I idea of asking people from here what they thought of America then asking people from there what they thought of Africa but that didn't go so well, so I will just post what some of my family and friends said about Africa because I am not so organized. Maybe next week I will do a followup post. Yeah, maybe then.

 “When I think of Africa, I think: That it’s a country that is so far away and they have lots of problems. People are being killed (murdered), Aids is running crazy there, people are starving to death and the government isn't doing anything about it. I wonder if the people have any hope there and if they even care if they live or die. I also think about the good things like the awesome animals and safaris. The beautiful land and all there is to see and do there. Mostly I think about my sister and all she sacrificed to go there and help people. I think about how much I miss her....

“When I think of Africa, I think: Of a place that is so poor they need Kristi’s help. There are kids that are so young and they are so close to starving. I also think about the adults to because they protect the kids. They are the most important to keeping the kids alive. Animals that roam around they sometimes hurt people but they don’t mean to. I also care about my aunt because she is at a great risk of aids and murderers for the sake of the African’s that are in trouble.”

"When I think of Africa, I think of beauty. I think of beautiful people. Beautiful children. Beautiful old faces with deep creases and warm eyes. Beautiful feet covered with dust. Beautiful sorrow, lines on dusty cheeks stained by tears. Beautiful creases around eyes, forged by hundreds of daily smiles. Beautiful mountains. Beautiful oceans. Beautiful sunsets. Beautiful sunrises. Beautiful pain, calling for a savior. Beautiful joy planted by His love. Beautiful community. Beautiful love. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful."

"I just assassinated him"

So we just got back from a totally fun Halloween party thing and one of the couples that was passing out candy had like a voting booth so the kids could vote for the president. They had made up little pictures of the president hopefuls and a ballot box - it was super cute...so anyways, some of the kids were really aggressive and like crossed out the person they were not voting for and made a big red X over their face and then while I was standing there another kid was like marking all over one of the candidates and said "I just assassinated him!". I was so disturbed. Who is teaching these kids this and why is that acceptable to hate the guy they are not voting for? Is that person really the enemy? Wow....really? These kids were like 11 and 12.

Do-over

Daniel and I were talking today about how our pasts make up who we are bla bla. I know that this is a common conversation for people to have. One of my favorite girly girl movies is 13 going on 30 and in it Jenna asks her mom if she could have a do over what would she choose. He mom tells her "nothing" she wouldn't do anything because even with the mistakes she has made they have all helped her form the life she now has made for herself. Good, bad, all of it. Me...not so much. I am not a perfectionist by any means. Nope. My house is a mess. My life is a mess. My purse, my day-planner, my choices, my marriage (at times)...all of it. But God makes sense. He sorts me out. And when I think about the stuff in the past and the choices I have made that separated Him and me, I would have taken Him up on a do over or two. I can think of a couple of great big ones. Not that I would ever assume to rob God of the Glory and Honor of the restoration He ushered in when the pieces fell, but looking back, I regret that I lost sight of the precious Cross in the first place and that I sacrificed so much for my selfishness. Please don't read into this post and think that I am living with regret and that I am all "poor me, poor me" because I am certainly not. I am totally aware of the Grace that has covered me and am quite comfortable living in it. Duh. But when Daniel and I got into that conversation today I was pretty for sure (and even now as I write this) that I would double back (if given the chance) to not hurt my family and friends the way I did and most of all not abuse my relationship with my Savior. There are only a couple of great big things that I would change and the rest...whatever. I chalk those up to Kristi-quirks.

Freedom??

We were visiting with some friends over the 4th and wouldn't you know it...they didn't have a clue or remember about the 4th of July. Why would they? Hello...it isn't their freedom. It is ours. But I guess what stunned me yesterday was my own behavior. I got into a little duel with a guy I met. He was talking about SA and America (probably for our benefit) and in the middle of the conversation we got into a heated discussion about how SA is being or has been being persecuted for their behavior or treatment of the natives. His thoughts on the subject was that Americans have done the exact same thing to "our" natives hundreds of years ago but nobody is persecuting them for their behavior; we are thriving because of it...so why is the rest of the world "coming down on South Africa" for the way they treated their natives? If we were a couple of hundred years in the past and the people here killed off the natives the way the British "took care of things" when America was founded then this whole Apartheid mess wouldn't be such an issue he said. "There wouldn't be any problems" he was saying. I came across the room, flying at him with accusations of genocide and fire in my bones. Apartheid and the natives, Americans and the natives. All of it. This actually wasn't the first time I have heard this conversation here. I think that a lot of the white Africans (Afrikaans) are broken and hurt just like the black Africans. They have been battered and used up in this whole great big machine. I don't know what life was like in SA before 1994. I was a sophomore in high school. I was selfish and blissfully ignorant to the ways of the "rest of the world". But I do know this: I am responsible for my behavior now. I am here to love these people and I failed that guy last night in that conversation. He may have been talking about the effects of  apartheid, but I know deep down he was saying so much more. It was my responsibility to honor and love him. Even if I didn't agree with what he was saying.

*Car update: The truck is broken again...the battery we think. We are now breaking down daily with these cars of ours. Please keep praying for us. Dan will be working on it again tomorrow. We still haven't heard anything back about the beetle.

Giveitawaygiveitawaygiveitawaynow

So I have been reading some pretty interesting things lately on giving here and here and not just because I agree with them - do I find them interesting; but because they stretch my thinking and attitudes. Daniel and I have been stretched towards giving since we have moved here. Do we tithe regularly? Do we give when we see a need? Who do we tithe to? Do we tithe back to the churches who are fund raising, sending us money to stay here? All questions we have had to consider and find answers to. I was reading two other things that have led us to our answers. One being a quote by Jerry white (whoever that is) says when asked How can people be expected to “give back” when so much has been taken from them? Answer: "The most generous can be found among the poorest of the poor, people who experienced crisis and poverty themselves. Many have discovered that the key to finding joy lies in giving back to our communities. Many of us exert enormous effort just to survive life, but when we learn to give again, in small and big ways, we gain in strength. Giving keeps us from slipping back into a victim mentality." * Giving keeps us from slipping back into a victim mentality! True that. This one has helped me to give and to want to give and being an example to give because so many people here actually have nothing. A lot of times I feel like "Whats the use?" And feel so desperate and useless because there are so many people. They are starving...literally. So we become overwhelmed by the need here in South Africa, but in reading this and some of the other things that were written (and in prayer) has helped us get a better grasp on the reality that we can partner with the people who are like minded and with the plan God has laid out in front of us to change things. It has strengthened our Faith.

Then the other was in a book I am reading by Shane Claiborne and he goes on to say "It is so much more comfortable to depersonalize the poor so we don't feel responsible for the catastrophic human failure that results in someone sleeping on the street while people have spare bedrooms in their homes. We can volunteer in a social program or distribute excess food and clothing through organizations and never have to open up our homes, our beds, our dinner tables. When we get to heaven, we will be separated into those sheep and goats Jesus talks about in Matthew 25 based on how we cared for the least among us. I'm just not convinced that Jesus is going to say, "When I was hungry, you gave a check to the United Way and they fed me", or "When I was naked, you donated clothes to the Salvation Army and they clothed me." Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love": you fed me....you visited me in prison...you welcomed me into your home...you clothed me." (page 158 - the irresistible revolution)

So those are some things that have helped us come to our conclusion on to where we give and how God has lead us on this journey. I don't know if we are doing "the right" thing. But for now we believe we are serving God and following Him with our finances.

P.S. We are leaving for the Transkei in a few hours...please pray for us. Our safety and return. Thanks.

fitty cent.

Yesterday when we went to hand out all that free food that was donated, I met a lady who was collecting trash/junk. She said that it took her 2 hours to pick up this bag of metal and bones and that she does this every morning and then is able to sell it to the local shop in the township for 3 rand (50 cents). I asked her why she did this and what they did with the stuff in her bag and she said that with the metal they use it for scrap, and the bone they grind it down and make stuff out of it. I don't know, but when I saw/met her and learned more of her story...my heart broke into a million pieces. She is the mom of a lady who is in our support group, so we were there to drop off food for her. But her daughter wasn't there because she was in the hospital by herself getting her first rounds of ARVs (anti-retro viral drugs) and that she also takes care of her two grand kids who live in the house with her. I asked her if I could buy the bag-o-treasures and said that I couldn't do it everyday, but today I had some extra money...she said I could. I know that I have boughten a lot of junk throughout my life...but I can honestly say that this bag of stuff was worth so much more then the scrap and bone she was advertising. My treasure indeed.

Now tell me what you want...

So this dog of ours has been jumping our fence ever since we got her. We have been building and rebuilding the dog-run fence because she keeps finding ways to climb or jump it. It may not look high, but we measured it and the fence is 5 1/2 feet high and the dog can now clear it without touching it. She wants out. The top even has barbwire across it and that doesn't even stop or detour our stupid beloved jack russle. But as I am sitting in our office (that over looks the backyard into the dog run) and saw her escape and run to freedom...I realized that she was running to her master. Daniel walks next door everyday. He has been working on the property there - fixing it up, painting, relaying carpet, tiling...and she sees him walk it everyday. She whines and barks for him for the majority of the day (and jumps, jumps, jumps) and as soon as she was able she ran right to him. She was fast and eager. So I ask you; what are you running towards?