kristiapplesauce

Forgive

I have been camping out in 1 Corinthians lately and it reads :

"Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish;  is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs;finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

Do I act like that? I mean really? Do I love like that? Do I allow myself to accept and receive the love others have for me? Do I honor God and others with my heart and motives? Do I seek and give and trust or do I hold back and manipulate and hurt and force my way?

Lord, Change my heart tonight. Allow my whole life to be identified with you. That you would make your mark on my heart and that every choice, word and step I make would be in line with your will.
Forgive me where I fail you, and allow your peace to reign over me still.

Thinking through...

I don't know a whole lot about anything...but thinking through some stuff....

A while ago somebody was talking to us and said something along the lines of "Well, you live the 'missionary' life-style' by way of you not having a dishwasher, tv, dryer, internet (unlimited; reliable), other comforts of 'home', security, a police system that works, ect."

So that got me thinking. Why do we think we "deserve" those things? Are they necessities or are they all just something we have gotten used to? Further more, why does that make us, here doing mission work - any more whatever for not having them? We could probably raise more money to get a dishwasher, tv and dryer - but we are fine not having them. I like drying our clothes out side. For now, it's just the two of us, so washing our dishes in the sink works and the tv is a personal choice because we aren't home much and then we would have to get satellite and/or cable and then it's just more and more and more. We personally don't need that stuff so whatever.

Sometimes I wish for "other" like a 911 system so when we call the police they came, but so far we have been safe. I sometimes wonder in my daydreams and desire the "comforts" of our past life - but that isn't what God has called us to. I also know that if ever a time God brings us back to the States, we will be living a less then crazy life then we lived when we did 3 years ago. We were in total excess. It was wild the way we squandered our wealth. Why did we do that? It is unnecessary and untrue to the call on our lives.

So whatever. Today I will choose to be content in the life God has called us to. Yeah, that is my story, and I am sticking to it.

They'll know we are christians by our love...

An amazing mentor and friend told me a while ago that the ONLY control God gives to us or allows us to have is self control.

Today (this week) kind of sucks for us. Not because we have a bad life and not because we are sick and not because we have been wronged and not because our families are sick or have bad lives or they have been wronged...but because stupid things keep happening and I have responded without love...or other then love. Whichever.

So then I think of these stupid situations...what? Why? Are you kidding me?  I was listening to a sermon the other day and the guy was going on and on about how God is interested more in our character then our comfort. Which, I think that is definitely true, but then I look at my own life and how I respond to conflict or frustration and I realize that after today, I have zero character and that most definitely sucks.

Won't you please pray for us?

"We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity will one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yeah they'll know we are Christians by our love

We will work with each other, we will work side by side
We will work with each other, we will work side by side
And we'll guard each man's dignity and save each man's pride
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yeah, they'll know we are Christians by our love."

*This song was covered by Jars of Clay. I have always hated it. Not because I think it sucks, but because I am convicted of it.

Dang it.

Safe!

So the thing that happens with these jumping castles is that the kids seem to go flying off the end of them when they are somersaulting or bouncing crazy-like from the top. Anywho, after a few kids at the camp, we started having a few of the men at the bottom to catch the kids. It was pretty amazing to see what transpired.

A little background – Here in South Africa, there are barely any men anywhere. I am not sure where they are, but they aren’t anywhere I have seen. They aren’t in the programs we help facilitate, they aren’t in the community, they aren’t really in the workforce, they aren’t taking care of their families – they are missing. Some say that they are just at home doing nothing, but that isn’t really true either because when we do the CSP updates, I almost never see or meet the men. The Mama’s, aunts, sisters or grannies are the ones I meet. I don’t know where the men are, but they are not in these kids lives.

So now enter us at these camps and schools. Like I said earlier, we were here to build relationships and goodwill, and so for some of these kids – this was the first time they had met us and we were there to introduce ourselves as “safe” to the community. I am no expert to “all things South Africa”, but when two of our guys, Schaun and Ray parked themselves at the bottom of the castles to catch the kids, it meant so much more then liability. They were creating a safe place for these kids, yes…but they also were hugging almost everyone as they came off the castle and telling them they were loved or smiling, or giving a high five or sharing encouragement if the kids were afraid to jump. For the few hours we were there they were acting like fathers and for some of those kids, I know for a fact they have never been around “safe men”. I was in awe of the kids’ response and how they received the love offered.

Toothpaste

Last month I was talking to a friend of mine who asked me if I had brushed my teeth that morning. I got nervous and then relaxed, remembering that I had. She then asked me what I used to brush with. I said "toothpaste". She then asked a series of questions about how the toothpaste came out...like "when I squeezed the tube; what came out?" I said, "toothpaste" She was like "are you sure that jelly, or dirt didn't?" I was like "yes"...again getting kind of nervous. She then went to explain that what the peeps at the toothpaste factory did so that we knew what we were getting when the pressure was on. We squeeze, toothpaste comes out.

Just like with us.

So then she went on to talk about the pressure I was under. Earlier in the convo I was ranting and bla bla blaing about all the stupid situations in my life - struggling with surrender and obedience (like always) and she said - and what is coming out? I replied "anger, frustration, rage, sadness, sarcasm, loss, misunderstandings, unbalance, ect." She responded with "that might be because that is what you are putting in...."jelly and dirt. You need to replace it with toothpaste - ie - scripture, prayer, Holiness, surrender, love, joy, peace, patience,..." She then went on to give me some solid scripture references to memorize to help me in those pressured situations and when I am so lost.

Yay.

a new set of rules.

In a random set of circumstances in my old life I found myself in a conversation with Gracia Burnham. If you remember she and her beautiful family were missionaries in the Philippines until in 2001 she and her husband were kidnapped while on an anniversary getaway. I copied her bio below off of her website...

So in our conversation she was talking about how at that time she was getting ready to fly back to the Philippines and how she was preparing herself because she was to testify to the events and people and all the everythings. She then said that she was nervous because some of the captors were going to be in the proceedings and she was going to have to face those people again. After all of that, she was going to have to face them. Again. Can you imagine?

As she was talking I was becoming furious. I started getting all emotional because prior to our "meeting" I had read her book and knew her background. I was ready to defend "my" friend and I told her how much I was in support for her - for them to "rot in hell". I said something like "Well I bet you will finally have peace now, that they will be found guilty and justice will be served"...

She said, "No, Kristi. You don't understand. I said some of the captors will be there, not all of them." She went on to explain that they actually had found the majority of the people who had kidnapped them but there was a massive prison break and that most of those people were killed during that whole fiasco and so she wouldn't get to meet those captors at all. She said that she was hoping to face all of them.

To share Christ with them.
To forgive them.
To love them.

I was knocked to my knees when she said that. I couldn't breathe and I still can't when I think about her telling me that story. What an incredible example of love and dignity. I think that most days I fail to love even the people who love me. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to love her enemies. True enemies. But she forgave and loved. And I am so thankful for her.

Gracia's Bio:

Gracia Burnham is the widow of Martin Burnham and the mother of Jeff, Mindy and Zach.

For 17 years she and Martin served with New Tribes Mission in the Philippines where Martin was a jungle pilot delivering mail, supplies and encouragement to other missionaries and transporting sick and injured patients to medical facilities. Gracia served in various roles supporting the aviation program and also home-schooled their children--all of which were born in the Philippines.

While celebrating their 18th wedding anniversary at Dos Palmas Resort off Palawan Island, the Burnhams were kidnapped on May 27, 2001, by the Abu Sayyaf Group, a militant group of Muslims. They seized several more guests and took them to Basilan Island, an ASG stronghold.

In the ensuing months some of the hostages were killed, but most were set free. From November 2001, only the Burnhams and one other hostage remained in captivity.

During their 376 days of captivity, they faced near starvation, constant exhaustion, frequent gun battles, coldhearted murder-and intense soul-searching about a God who sometimes seemed to have forgotten them.

On June 7, 2002, in a firefight between the Philippine military and the Abu Sayyaf Group, Martin was killed. Gracia was wounded, but was freed.

Since that time Gracia has authored two books, In The Presence Of My Enemies, and To Fly Again. Her oldest son, Jeff, is now married and living in Lynchburg, VA where he is completing his studies in missionary aviation at Liberty University. Mindy has graduated from high school and is attending New Tribes Bible Institute in Wisconsin. Zach will graduate from Rose Hill High in May 2009 and is looking forward to what God has in his future. Gracia resides in Rose Hill, Kansas. Because of her unique story, Gracia is a popular speaker for churches, conferences and schools.

LOVE

So who in your life needs some LOVE? What are you doing right now to love them? Reaching out? Inviting them out for coffee, a conversation, a night out away from the kids?

outta sight, outta mind

So Pete asked the other day something about scaling down when it comes to spending and Christmas and the whole thing. So my response was this:

"Just to be real…this is the very first Christmas ever ever ever that either one of us have ever (ever ever) been away from our families so yup…we are spending less. Less on our families, less on friends. This may sound like a cliche and it is - but out of sight, out of mind…bla bla bla."

Sniff sniff, tear tear. I know right? Sad, we won't be near our peeps this year. And we already spent our allotted amount (we went on vacation while in the States) and while there, most of our family gave us our gifts...which means that for Christmas this year, there won't be any presents. Another tear. Dang. All that to say is that I am totally feeling sorry for myself. I love presents. I love giving presents. I love getting presents. I love seeing people on their birthdays and any other celebration. For reals...I heart gifts. It has absolutely nothing to do with the dollar amount and everything to do with the delivery and heart behind it...but still. 

So then I was thinking about how people start talking about what Christmas means and the "real" meaning behind the holiday and all that stuff and maybe I am all melancholy because I am anticipating not being around my family for the first time and won't be invited to all the fabulous celebrations or receive any cookie platters...but what we do get to do is this: we get to pass out shoes to kids who don't have any. And we get to pass out extra food parcels because the place we have been getting them has been slowly taking food away and raising the prices...so we changed stores and they are almost tripling the amount of food to the kids. We get to pass out fruit and buckets (an added luxury). We get to be with people who normally don't get love from the most random of places...a million miles away. We get to be your ambassadors and we get to represent the King of Kings to people who need it. I hope I do it well because this for me is the most important task I have ever been given and sad to say, I have been feeling sorry for myself. So please forgive me.

Underwhere?

When we were in America we had the privilege of talking to a lot of different people about the soup clubs and about the Child Sponsorship Program, which both totally rock and are great ways to drastically change the daily lives of children here. But then in conversation with a few people, they asked a few more questions and desired to do a little more. One of the things that came up was underwear. Underwear is something that people usually take for granted I think. But here, people are hungry and usually looking for their next meal, so it is really low on their priority list. So in a passing convo I mentioned it, and my mom sent some over and here are some shots of one of the Mama's (aka - a patriarch in the community who freakin rocks and usually helps out in whatever ministry we are doing there) handing them out. It is most likely the only pair these kids will own. I am so excited about the way people across the ocean are able to practically change the lives of the children over here. How rad is that!!!

Character...do you notice?

Today I went to my beloved Starbucks....(the days are running out; oh snap!) and this is my drink of choice: Grande Chai, non-fat, no water, 5 pumps, with whip. MMMMMM. So the girl didn't write it on the cup and kind of was like "bla bla" when I was rattling off my order...but whatever. If they get it right; I really don't care. So then I shuffled on over to the counter to get my drink and sure enough she didn't heat up the milk and when the non-fat milk was all used up, she grabbed the 2% to top of the rest of my cup. It really didn't matter to me because it tasted the same but I like getting fat free milk because in Kristiland since I get whip cream - they rule each other out. So then when I was walking out and sipping my chai, it was totally lukewarm and frustrating. I didn't go back and make a fuss but I was totally reminded of the details and how they make all the difference. NOT only in customer service (because that is a separate blog post or 12) but in the way we do things and how we choose to have character or not. I recently read Deadly Viper Character Assassins...the book (not the blog even though that freakin rocks too) and I am now being reminded daily of things in my life that I have curved the corners or made excuses. I don't want to keep living like that you know? I don't want to add the fat to my coffee or in any other areas in my life when it is unnecessary. Seriously.