kristiapplesauce

Her journey

My amazing South African friend Renee' wrote this about her trip here. She came on a team and this is what she wrote of her experience:

So many have been asking, so here it is...I'm finding it really hard to tell people just how much my trip to South Africa meant to me and how much it touched my life. It seems to me that to get it, one would need to have been there to feel it, touch it, smell it and live it, so I'm not sure that writing about it is going to really fully explain what this amazing experience did for me...

I finally, after a long, long time, got to come back home and it touched me on so many different levels. I was really nervous about going home not just as a visitor this time but also to serve. Before I left I was dealing with some guilt, embarrassment and feelings of shame because I knew I would be coming face to face with some deeply buried issues. I had grown up a "privileged white child" during apartheid and even though there was not much I could have done to change the way things were while I was so young, I lived during that time and that in and of itself made me part of the problem. I wonder why we never thought to question the system. Why we didn’t think to affect change. Why we allowed such behavior from our government and yet never stepped in to fix it.

Anyway, I waded through all the difficult personal stuff during the first several days and then I jumped in and immersed myself in the moments and there was so much joy and such a sweet letting go and the pain I felt at the sadness and hopelessness I saw around me was quickly replaced by little girls who held my face between their hands as they planted sweet kisses right on my lips! Beautiful big brown eyes filled with hope because strangers from a faraway place would come to their dirt packed yards and into their confusing, complicated lives just to love them. My heart was warmed by dirty little boy-hands snaking their way into my coat pockets and asking me to keep their little homemade toys safe. I loved sharing the food right off my plate with kids who sometimes don’t get to eat some days because there just isn’t any food or a mother to fix it.

I don't think I can adequately express the tumultuous emotions I experienced while in the company of these beautiful children. From sadness and hopelessness, to overwhelming joy… From babies found in dumpsters to precious little boys with HIV...we loved these kids and hugged these kids, held these kids and cried with these kids. We ladled soup into anything that would hold it, giving them the only meal they had for the day and watched them sing their grace with eyes tightly shut and sheer joy on their faces. We spent time with Mamas who are caring for way too many children in far too little space and we listened to village elders try to understand the horrors of AIDS with the shadow it’s casting over a whole generation. How does one get them to understand that the horror of it will not be washed away in the shower, or cured with a diet of vegetables or by sleeping with a virgin? They will not save their sons and daughters or their grandchildren if they continue to ignore the 3-letter plague that is claiming a life every 60 seconds, in their country.

I fell in love all over again with the country I was raised in. It's so beautiful, and returning after so many years I once again understand the intangible tug that Africa seems to have on the hearts of those who have both lived there and visited. It is so rich in culture and the people are all so beautiful. I made connections with new friends...sweet Afrikaans guys and girls and Xhosa college students that I’ve fallen in love with, all who are pouring their young lives into building relationships with the unwanted and unloved of South Africa. Sleeping in shacks and huts with the people they're serving ~ they have challenged and inspired me with their unfailing faith in God's amazing grace. I’m in awe of the HIV+ Mamas that are caring unconditionally for children not their own, the HIV+ children who want to be held close so they can feel a mother's touch, soaking up attention that is not threatening and violent...Their open faces and heart-stopping smiles inviting me into their lives. I held kids who were pulled out of dumpsters as babies, girls who had been raped, a beautiful little 5 year old boy with open lesions. All these kids yearning for the love of a God who created them in His own image...I wish you could hear them sing, their faces raised to the Son as they belt out their prayers in Xhosa harmony that brought me to tears every time I heard them. What an amazing miracle these children are...and the future of this floundering country.

I was given an incredible experience ~ a gift. I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am to have been able to empty myself and still miraculously come home with a full, full heart.

~R

Here are some amazing links you have to check out...

http://www.callhermama.com/
Sponsoring a child in South Africa: http://www.onelifechild.org/
Oceans of Mercy website: http://www.oceansofmercy.com

Oceans of Mercy Banquet

When Daniel and I were trying to figure out our situation with who or where or when we were going to the mission field - Oceans came into view and we were hooked. One of the spectacular things about Oceans of Mercy is that they (we) don't take money from the kids for administration. Not that we don't have administration fees (paper, gas for our cars, phone, computer....) and not that we don't struggle to find where the money comes from, but when people donate towards the Child Sponsorship Program - or towards Soup Clubs or towards any of the other programs - 100% of that money goes towards those kids and then we do other fund raisers to help the ministry run. Even the money we need to stay here in South Africa - Daniel and I are responsible to go to churches and to meet with family and friends to raise funding because Ocean's money goes towards the kids. All that money is invested into the children. How amazing is that? So if you are interested in Oceans of Mercy (or want to learn a little more) and live in the Kansas City area and want an amazing night out with some cool people and some great food - please come!

 

Agee's

Tomorrow I know that our situation in South Africa will shift yet again and I can't wait! We will go to the airport at 9:00 pm and pick up some amazing, beautiful, talented, gifted, loving, strong, smart, fun, fabulous, trusting people. They are coming here to serve with us for 2-5 years and we can't wait! Please pray for them and for their journey across the world.

Home

Daniel and I were away from home for 3 weeks. We usually don't announce our plans to be away for so long because it isn't safe to tell everyone that you will be gone/away from your house for that amount of time (yes, please come break into our home; we will be away from it for X amount of days and so please come steal all our stuff!!). This time was a little crazy because we were not only gone from home for so long but also away from each other for the first half of it. I don't know if it is because we heart one another or if it is because we (me) are so dang dependent  but it was super difficult to function away from my man. He is such an important part of my life that I found it hard to make solid decisions away from him. I was also discouraged and lonely. I totally had the support and backing from my friends who were wonderful and so so generous as I stayed with them for the first 10 days; but it wasn't the same as being with my husband - the leader and protector of our family.

As the days unfolded and as I worked and did what I was there to do (updating the Child Sponsorship Program, working with support groups, doing Soup Club stuff), I realized that Daniel is the one who makes all that stuff function. He knows all the people at all those locations; he has spreadsheets to make it easier for us to understand and organize what goes where. He understands and manages the dynamics/politics of the whatevers we run into...bla bla bla. He knows and runs everything. I just get to go along for the ride. I love the ride. I love the people and the kids and I love the joy of passing out food. I do not love the work behind it and that is why Daniel makes such an amazing leader because he takes care of all the details. He makes it seems easy. He invites you along and makes it an adventure. I missed him the whole time because although it was still a privilege to be doing all that I was doing - I wasn't doing it with my best friend -my heart ached the whole time we were apart.

When we finally did manage to find one another, we were hosting another team (he was already with one) so then we had that group for another 11 days. We went all over - to PE, East London, the Transkei. We did a leadership camp for some of the older kids in a couple of our children's villages and then worked with some of the Bible School kids up in one of the villages we work in. While all that was going on - Teresa (the lady who runs One Life Child) and me trained all of our Community Care Workers on some new and follow-up HIV/AIDS stuff.

In the middle of all that crazy - Teresa asked me if it would be better if we didn't run or host the teams because it causes chaos and pulls us out of our busy...I had kind of a freak out moment (imagine that) and responded with "I wouldn't trade this for anything." and it's true because with the teams - they bring love, accountability, Americanisms, presents, worship (and other God stuff), and a different kind of "home".

So yeah. I love home. I love the teams, but I also love when it's time to put them on the plane and when Daniel and I find each other again because we have made it safely back to where we are meant to be. Right here - serving the peeps in South Africa.

Support

I think that maybe support means different things to different people. Maybe it also means different things to different people depending on which life situation you are going through. 

As I was visiting one of our HIV/AIDS support groups yesterday, a neighbor of the ladies house we were at came over to borrow a cell phone because her old grandmother had just passed away. Like right at the moment and she didn't have a cell to call the police. So there we were in a shack in the middle of a township "supporting" one another and this woman was there asking for another kind of support. So Lindiwe, the leader of that support group - "borrowed her" - her cell phone, and her and I walked across the lawn to this woman's house to see if there was anything further we could do. There were a handful of woman gathered in this other home next door and they seemed to be waiting for something when we arrived. It could have been the police. It could be that they were waiting for support. It could have been that they were also waiting to see the end or it could be that they have all seen this too many times before...I don't know. So I walked in with Lindiwe and greeted them. I smiled and said my condolences. I asked after the grandmother and was trying to figure out if they had accurately determined if she had actually died or if maybe she was in a coma or something. I know that none of these woman had gone through medical training and was kind of scared that she was somehow still alive under the sheet they had her under. The small dead grandmother was in the one room shack with us on the only bed. She was covered with all the blankets in the house as far as I could tell and then her face was covered with that sheet. Nobody was crying and as I asked questions I began to explain that if they were to use this bed for sleeping or any of the bedding - it would have to be cleaned thoroughly because of what happens post mortum. They then told me that it would be hours and hours before they could move her because that is how long it takes for the police to arrive. We asked if there was anything else and then I asked if I could pray for the family. They circled around the grand and great granddaughter and I prayed. I prayed for wisdom, protection, provision, clarity, salvation, love. Then we left.

We came back to the support group and at that time they were finishing up talking about whatever it is they were talking about in our absence and so we prayed to finish up the meeting and then as they were leaving I spoke up and said "I'm sorry! No! I'm not through yet." I began by explaining that I am not Xhosa; that I don't know that much about South Africa because I am a guest in this country but I do know about death. I went on to explain that I just experienced the lady next door who no longer has the opportunity to make her life's most important decision.I said that I didn't know that woman - so she may have known Christ as her Lord but I said if she didn't - her time is finished. Done. I gently told them about Christ and how they don't know when they will die. Some it might be soon and some it might be 50 years from now...but for me, I'm not afraid of my future because I know that my whole life is wrapped up and secure in my relationship with God and that Christ is my Salvation. I went on to say that if anybody has any questions or concerns or would like to know more about this hope - then they could ask me, or Mama Nozake or Mama Lindiwe. There was some other story telling in there because when you speak here, you kinda have to talk in word pictures which suits me fine because I ramble a lot - But yeah, that was our day yesterday.

teams

There are those distinct moments in your life (my life anyways) where you have just that tunnel of clarity. Where things just come into focus and you just know that for that one moment at least you are right where you need to be.

We had a team come in last night and as Daniel and I picked them up at the airport, we said our hello’s and did our shuffle – getting people into the van and listing off what to expect in the coming week and as we were starting out, we circled for a prayer and it was like all of a sudden peace just descended upon us. It mattered not all of the prep work or all of the phone calls that need to be made. It didn’t matter what bills need to be paid or how dirty the house was when we left. It wasn’t our concern who was watching or if we were late to get to sleep because all that really mattered was that we were 7 people who came together for one purpose and that was to bring glory to God. It was amazing to stand in the presence of such incredible people…those who would sacrifice so much to come here and love and serve the men, woman and children of South Africa for however many days and as we were holding hands and praying for their week, I was in such awe that I would have the privilege of such company.

God is amazing for loving me so much.

Money - how does a missionary spend it?

I am in the middle of doing an update for one of the churches who sponsor us (financially as well as with prayer, encouragement, love, mail, etc.) and in doing the annual update there are several questions like:

- Describe briefly your current ministry and any significant changes that have occurred in the past year.

- Comment on your personal walk with Jesus Christ.  i.e. discouragements, encouragements, areas of spiritual growth, etc.?

- What is your total and anticipated budget for the next year?

- List specific prayer requests...

And so in filling out these questions and in praying through our answers we don't know how to respond to some of them. We fill out these questionnaires for most of the churches that support us and we are happy to do whatever we gotta do because we are pretty candid and our lives are open to those who give (heck, even to those who don't - we don't care)...as we so desire to honor God in all we do and in all that we have and have been given. It's just this whole living on support thing is so funky to me. Still.

So in doing this update - I twittered about it and said "Working on support stuff. Please pray that we would be covered as this is still a battle for us..." meaning that we still struggle with people sending us money to do God's work, that, and like I said - I don't know how to answer some of these questions. Like do I list every prayer request that we have had for the last year? Do I share the names of everyone who has passed away and how they have all effected us? Do we list every need we anticipate having? Do I talk about all the people I have met and have given money or food or blankets or clothing to? Because that is where our money goes.

I got a few responses back asking how much money we needed to be fully funded.
So then how do I answer that question? Fully funded? What does that even mean? Does that mean that our daily needs are being met? Does that mean that the churches who have committed to give actually give every month (because some don't). Does that mean that we have enough money to tithe? Does it mean we have enough money to go back home and see our families and visit those who support us? Does it mean we are able to have money "in the bank" for unforeseen emergencies or for a savings account? What if we ever decide to adopt? What about retirement...because people usually don't give towards retired missionaries.


As of now, our budget is this:
Household (groceries, dogs, utilities, maintenance, clothing)
Rent (for our house, security)
Auto
Health
Travel (going home once a year)
Entertainment (going out, blog, gifts)
Tithe

So we really don't know how much we spend in the tithe category. We never really have even when we lived in the States. We gave to our home church when we lived there but we have kind of always just "seen a need - filled a need". Whenever God leads us to help somebody out, or to cover an expense for somebody or something then we do that. I know that - that may not be the most Biblical approach but being that we still have yet to find a church here - we give officially and unofficially to the programs that Oceans runs. We help feed kids...and adults. But how do we say that when we go talk to churches? "Um, yeah, so you see, we need to raise more money because we have given so much of ours away and so if you could please partner with us because we would like to give more away. Kthanks." Seriously? Is that really what I am supposed to write down on this worksheet? Maybe I can just link them to this post.

In closing I would like to say that Daniel and I are totally out of debt which is only by God and so no - we don't use any support money for that, but we do occasionally buy wine because yum! A glass of red tastes yummy with chicken dinner. We also buy books at garages sales when we are at home and try to save money on ebay when we can because a wise person never buys retail.

In other news...We just found this fabulous little farmers market and we bought this bundle of strawberries for R35 ($4.44) Yay!!!

Journals

Joshua was our team leader this go-around and his mom (who I assume is a rock star) sent several journals and pens/pencils to go with. We didn’t really know what to do with them because there weren’t enough to give one to everyone if we gave them to the kids in any of our programs but we did have enough to give to one of our support groups. Yay. So Josh handed them over one of the days they were here and the ladies were super excited. Inside each journal was a little note of love and a scripture she had hand written. So many times when people come over we get asked what we do or why we are here and days like this is what I try to remember. We get to pass out love. It amazes me time and time and time again that people all the way across the world would spend time and energy to love some people over here that they don’t even know. I am blown away by it. I am amazed that I/we have the incredible privilege to be a part of it. That somehow we are on this journey too. I don’t know why or how those simple little journals are changing the world….but I know it in my heart that they are changing the lives of those ladies because they brought love and encouragement to them. I know it may sound ridiculous and dramatic, but I have found that when you/me/we surrender and submit even in the littlest of details the whole world is effected. So thank you Joshua’s Mom. I am privileged to partner with you.

Bible Study

I know I keep talking about the teams. Teamy, team, team. But whatever. I was with them for like a month. Hello! I stored up a lot of blog entries while they were here…So there I was “with the team” and usually when peeps come, they bring with them something unique. Each team is different; each one has a different amount of people and a different purpose. So one of our teams just now were 3 woman all teachers (or about to be) and while here, held a Bible study for our ladies in Seleni up in the Transkei. It was so encouraging. They shared/taught the ingredients to make a strong and Godly woman. The ladies were awesome. It mattered not that we didn’t speak the same language or that they were a little out of their comfort zone. It only mattered that Christ was our center and that we were all here to bring Glory to Him.

26 days

Penelope is a fabulous lady that we know in one of the villages that we work in. She helps run one of our soup clubs for orphans and hungry kids. Anyways, we have been away from "home" for 26 days now which is why you haven't heard from me. We have had two teams back to back and have loved every minute of it. It is always amazing to me to share our life here with people who come all the way across the world to love us and our friends here. More later once we get some sleep.