kristiapplesauce

Guest Blogger #2 Mandy

what do i know about Kristiapplesauce? i don't know what her eyes look like when she laughs. i don't have the SLIGHTEST idea what her ever-changing hair looks like right now. and i probably wouldn't recognize her voice unless she introduced herself. i've never met this Kristi fair that most of know as Kristiapplesauce. some would say that i don't know much about her at all, but i'd say that i know plenty...

...because i know her heart.

i'm not being presumptuous in making this claim. why do i think i know her heart? because she displays it with every word. and all the exchanges i've had with her have given me no other impression than that she's the real thing.

and she's doing the real thing.

she's pouring her life out so that others can live. if you ask me, that's as close to being Christ-like as any of us can get - this side of heaven.

funny thing is, she's just like us. she gets lonely. she gets hungry. she cries (a lot). she has times of doubt. she has times of questioning. she has days where she doesn't feel like praying. she's just like us.

she's just like me.

but, she's over there. and i'm over here.  i don't feel like i'm the one that's supposed to go to the farthest ends of the earth, but i do believe that some are called. like she's called.

she's called to go.

"if you can't BE a missionary, then adopt a missionary."  this is our motto. i've never voiced this to her (until she proof-reads this guest post – hi Kristi!), but i distinctly remember thinking: "oh man, i want to be a blessing to this woman. i want to minister to her."

but what in the WORLD could i do to serve her? what resources do i, within the meager budget of a seminary family, have to offer her??

friendship
prayer
an envelope or two in the mail
a tiny check when we can give

does this make a difference, a real difference, in Kristi's ministry? i think so. why? because i was able to talk her into letting me write this note to all of you...

she didn't want me to say this.
in fact, she's worried that you'll think she put me up to this.
she didn't.

but, its gotta be said:
some are called to go.
and the rest of us are called to send.

-Mandy

coming home

Let's just be brutal. I am scared. The Bible says "Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world."(James 1:27) So here we are. We feed kids. We send out letters and I write on this blog. We email friends and family. We try to connect and in the end I am scared. I am scared of failing and I am scared of being alone in this battle of feeding the hungry. We have in hand a little over 20K and that will hopefully last us through this year and then...then? Then we will be I don't know where we will be but we will have to be somewhere. I know that God has called us here and I know that I am not supposed to worry about the support to keep us here, but dang. We need backing. We have committed to stay here as long as God has called us to; where would we go? Nothing else in our entire lives makes any other sense to us, and this plea isn't an emotional one. But I am scared and honest. So if it is in His will to go back to America, we will...but in my heart of hearts - I understand His call to be that we are to be here; serving and loving and feeding these kids, these people, these orphans and widows. So the plan is to go back sometime in October to raise money and awareness and jump-start something because we don't want to loose anytime on the ground here if we run out of money...so if you are interested or if your heart is pulled towards South Africa, please email me and we can figure it out together. We can come and possibly talk or for sure send some info your way. We are just trying to figure this out...

Beside my Bible

Everyday when I study the Bible right there beside it I have with me my dog-eared copy of Eerdmans handbook to the Bible. Duh, it is old-school...1973 it was first published..but dang. It has chapter and verse outlined for you with deep insight and history for you to help you understand what you are reading and for you to grasp what the Word meant to the original hearers. Yay. So rich. So what is beside you when you read and study?

Relax

I got this in my email the other day. Yay. I love encouragement. Thank you.

"This is a journey. Sometimes the weather is crappy. Rain, sleet, snow, followed by mud, melting snow, then the sun comes out and we smile. We then get sunburned...Oh no! But we can hang out in the shade a little. You know, we learn lessons every step of the way. The next time we remember to take a raincoat or put a little sunblock on."

So true.

Seeing new things

John 1:14

"The Word became flesh and took up residence among us. We observed His glory, the glory as the One and Only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth."

I certainly hope that I am observing His glory, grace and truth. I know that as I get "all wrapped up" get it- (all wrapped up?) that I will observe Him instead of me. Seriously.

Projection

Among other things...

Projection is defined as:
-the tendency to ascribe to another person feelings, thoughts, or attitudes present in oneself, or to regard external reality as embodying such feelings, thoughts, etc., in some way.
-the act of planning or scheming.
-the act of communicating distinctly and forcefully to an audience

A friend of mine has been recently talking to me about "projection" in speech and in intention. ie: When talking with people and so not to "project" what we wish to hear or experience from them, but to receive whatever it is that they are giving and leave it at that. To love them and honor them and to be at peace with "whatever" and so not to judge. Since talking with her, I have been realizing that I do that a lot. I project what I wish to hear, what I hope to hear, what I think I hear...and then when all is said and done it makes for a very unhappy me. Not because I heard wrong, but because I projected emotions onto whatever situation; certain attributes that were never there. I expected or hoped for things and in reality they simply were vacant. So now enter me, insecure, naked, vulnerable me into this scary world of people I haven't seen in 8 months and I am lost. There (I feel) is a bit of projection on both sides. I don't quite know what is expected as some people (including me) is trying to relate to each other as who we were when before we left and all the lessons we have learned is though they never were. I throw high expectations and ideals out there and who knows who I am disappointing? I feel like it is the masses. But that is a projected idea. How do I honor what is happening and our time here? How do I surrender it? We have (in all UN-projected reality) just begun our time in America....and I am so excited for it. But I have never been comfortable in my own skin...so when you throw all of this anxiety and expectation in the mix, there is a lot to be reckoned with.

God, I certainly hope that I am able to honor you with who I am and how I surrender these relationships to you. 

Identity

There was a lady in front of us at the airport sporting a juice bag and Daniel and I were like "that is so cool". So we started talking to her about it and why she had it. She was so matter of fact about it and as soon as she had answered our questions she turned back around and didn't offer anything else to the conversation. She was in Africa for habitat for humanity. She was a lawyer. She didn't want to talk to us. Period. But what caught me about the whole thing was how she said what she said. She WAS a lawyer. She was she was she was. That was her identity and when she said it her eyes tightened, she pulled her shoulders back and she was firm in her tone. It was strange. Then I thought about what Daniel and I do. We are here to raise support for this mission we are on. We are in-fact labeled "missionaries" and people think all sorts of things when they hear that. It musters up thoughts about their ideas of God, or of their childhoods, of people they know, of people who have tried to convert them, of people who are in the jungle or martyrs. I have no idea where people go in their minds but I can see it in their eyes sometimes that it isn't on the conversation at hand. But when I was talking to the lady at the airport I was clearly aware that I didn't want that to be me. I didn't want my identity to be wrapped up in my job. Even if it is "missionary". I long for my identity to be so much more. 

only grace

There is no guilt here. There is no shame. No pointing fingers. There is no blame. What happened yesterday has disappeared. The dirt has washed away and now is clear. There's only grace. There's only love. There's only mercy and believe me it's enough. Your sin's are gone without a trace. There's nothing let now. There's only grace. You're starting over now. You're under the Sun. You're stepping forward now.
Your new life has begun. And if you should fall again, get back up, reach out and take my hand. Get back up again.

obedient.

obedient.

What does it mean to you? In two ways this simple and complex word changed my life today. I don't know why I have been looking into the deep for more answers, more solutions...when the solutions and answers where right in front of me. God was simply asking: "Are you going to be obedient or aren't you?" So in two very simple and very complex ways today I leaped right out of my comfort zone and did it. Did what? Well, that, I can not say...but I did it. In the scheme of life, I doubt that I even did anything at all. It was probably just to become more familiar with His voice and reacting to it. One of the things was something that I have been "holding onto" for a very long time...He allowed me to release it, and the other - that was just a simple gesture in friendship and service....but I had never done "something like that before" and today, I did it. Yay for God teaching me something new. I hope that He is teaching you something new today too. I hope that you reach out and grasp the lesson He is trying to teach you. I hope that you hear and grow and become. I can not wait for tomorrow. A new lesson to be learned in South Africa.
Thank you Father for an amazing classroom.